Last night we had an all-nighter in our KHG Studentinnenheim, and it didn’t feature any gripping Netflix series or even last-minute dissertation writing (that's yet to come…). It in fact took place in the cosy little Chapel downstairs, where we took turns to be with Jesus, present in the Blessed Sacrament, from 9pm last night, starting with Stations of the Cross, until Mass at 10am this morning. For thirty minutes, an hour, or even two hours – if the next girl slept through her alarm that was, we spent time in Adoration before the Lord.
This wasn’t some Catholic style endurance test, nor was it an attempt to out-pray the other Chaplaincy homes (although rumour has it that Ebendorferstraße 8 hasn’t yet managed to pull off the Adoration night shift), but rather a chance to deliberately carve out the time to be still with the Lord. As Jesus tells his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane as he prays before his arrest, “Stay here and keep watch with me” - „Bleibt hier und wacht mit mir” (Matthew 26:38). There’s a beautiful Taizé chant of this Bible Verse which I always find myself coming back to when I’m struggling to focus in Adoration. It reminds me that sitting in the Chapel is already exactly where I am being asked to be – I don’t need to be reciting eloquent prayers or singing worship songs – staying and watching is all Jesus asks of us. A Catholic friend who also moved to Vienna this year joked that this was one of the only German phrases he knew, and although I’m not sure it would get him very far in the queue at Interspar, I hope it has at least come in handy in the holy settings he’s found himself in.
There’s something rather moving about being in the Chapel very late at night; when the continuous rumble of the cars on the Gürtel has lulled, the sound of chatter and footsteps no longer fills the Treppenhaus, and it’s just you alone with the Lord. And there’s also something very comforting and reassuring in knowing that there is someone always in the Chapel. It reminds me of the monastic communities which rise in the middle of the night to pray for those struggling at that hour, and of the many 24/7 prayer movements which have sprung up in recent years.
When I’m feeling particularly stressed out, I often realise it’s because I’m feeling overwhelmed – whether by an enormous to-do list, interacting in German the whole day, or the latest Covid-19 statistics and regulations. Taking time to sit in silence and leave all those distractions and worries behind, to focus on what really matters, brings back a sense of calm and clarity of thought which the modern world, constantly bombarding us with visual media, drowns out. Stepping into the Chapel at an hour when everyone else is fast asleep is almost like stepping into another time and space; a place where Heaven touches Earth without you having to walk out into the blustery wind.
I’ve gotten into the habit lately of quickly jotting down at the end of the day a few things I’m grateful for. Perhaps a good conversation with a friend, a delicious home-baked rhubarb cake, the chance to study an interesting university module, or the opportunity to go to Church freely and safely. Mindfulness and gratefulness are millennial buzzwords, and I would hate to sound cliché, but it is a helpful reminder to think back over the day that has passed, and to try and find the blessings hidden and tucked away between the monotonous hours spent typing away on my laptop. As I kneeled down last night before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament I brought out my notebook and started writing down what I was grateful for at the end of the week. Here’s what I wrote.
Things I’m grateful for at the end of this week:
God who is deserving of all of my praise
God who is with me through my nights and through my days
God who waits for me to come and adore
God who still loves me even though I’ve failed Him before
God who sends the right people my way
God who cares for those for whom I pray
God tonight in dem Allerheiligsten Sakrament.
Here I am Lord, the servant you have sent,
I’m sitting here right now, with my heart open wide,
Ready for your words, Lord, following you as my guide -
For when I put you in the centre everything else falls into place,
Your loving gaze flows with every mercy, every grace.
Teach me to listen, to love, and to be still,
Teach me how to build your kingdom, according to thy will.
Thank you, Lord, for being here tonight,
Lead me towards Heaven, Lead Kindly Light.
What are you grateful for today?